This year everything is going to be different… really!
I’m bad with new year’s resolutions. I had “Stop smoking” on my list for literally years (been smoking since 16), crossing it only 18 months ago!
And not to forget “eating healthier” and “exercising daily”! Sigh.
It seems that the longer the list was, the pettier were my strenght at the time to deal with it.
This year I didn’t make any lists. Because this year everything *is* going to change. I feel it. Finally, I really feel like a grownup woman, and not like a lost teenager with unhealthy amounth of angst just pretending (and pretending really bad!).
Because… I will tell you a secret… My number one resolution always was “to change myself”, “become different”, so to “change my life”. What an awful thing to wish for oneself – to desperately want to “become” someone else in order to feel fine, and to be liked! So many times I was left with only an empty feeling in my stomach – and with only tears left to comfort me!
I didn’t know it at that time, but it was social anxiety making me feel that way. If only I’ve asked for help earlier! But I did not.
Making new year’s resolution would only remind me of that sad times. So, no more new year’s resolutions. From now on, I’m going to LIVE mine instead.
Happy New Year to all of you reading this now, and especially all of you battling with social anxiety right now (there are lots of people like us, trust me) or if you’ve ever encountered that multifaced, mean beast called social anxiety in your life!
Yes: my holidays went fine, thank you:)
I had a great time surounded with unknown people for a whole week while travelling, walking the beautiful city of Prague, Czech Republic; and even eating in public places! Yes, yes! Eating in public places! Hallelujah!:)
I must say, every time I was worried if I will manage to swallow my meal and not to choke:) Well, I didn’t (choke).
Of course, I’ve spilled my drink once:), but it was not a big deal because – spilling your drink accidentally is really not a big deal, you know;)!
In conclusion: I’m hoping to be able to swallow whatever life brings in front of me this year, and not to choke. And if I spill some of it sometimes, I must remember – it’s not a big deal.
